John 11 Study: June 3, 2014

walklight

Start: 7:07am

“But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” (11.10)

Jesus had said earlier in John 8:

Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” (8.12)

Walking implies a destination. Walking in the light implies moving toward and eventually arriving at that destination. What is the destination for those in the dark? For them, it’s as though the stumbling itself was the destination. There is no direction. No ultimate purpose. No movement. I struggled with the attendant existential grief when I was stumbling around in that darkness years ago. What was the point of all of this I once asked. It’s hard to live like that. Distractions were a temporal remedy from the stumbling. The distractions get old quickly though.

Psalm 27.1

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?

Isaiah 9.2

The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light;
those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness,
on them has light shone.

“Relying on this protection, therefore, Christ advances boldly into Judea, without any dread of being stoned; for there is no danger of going astray, when God, performing the part of the sun, shines on us, and directs our course.

“We are taught by these words, that whenever a man allows himself to be guided by his own suggestions, without the calling of God, his whole life is nothing else than a course of wandering and mistake; and that they who think themselves exceedingly wise, when they do not inquire at the mouth of God, and have not his Spirit to govern their actions, are blind men groping in the dark; that the only proper way is, to be fully assured of our divine calling, and to have always God before our eyes as our guide.This rule of regulating our life well is followed by a confident expectation of a prosperous result, because it is impossible that God shall not govern successfully. And this knowledge is highly necessary to us; for believers can scarcely move a foot to follow him, but Satan shall immediately interpose a thousand obstructions, hold out a variety of dangers on every side, and contrive, in every possible way, to oppose their progress. But when the Lord invites us to go forward, by holding out, as it were, his lamp to us, we ought to go forward courageously, though many deaths besiege our path; for he never commands us to advance without at the same time adding a promise to encourage us, so that we may be fully convinced, that whatever we undertake agreeably to his command will have a good and prosperous issue. This is our chariot, and whoever betakes himself to it will never fail through weariness; and even though the obstacles were so formidable that we could not be conveyed through them by a chariot, yet, furnished with these wings, we shall always succeed, till we reach the goal. Not that believers never meet with any adversity, but because adverse occurrences are aids to their salvation.” (Calvin, John 1-11)

End: 7:47

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Tila hides her bone

Tila has this funny habit of burying bones that we give her. This happens even when we’re not home. We gave her a bone last weekend while at Matt and Dana’s. As always, we found it  hilarious and so I filmed her.

 

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Book: The Mindbody Prescription

Needless to say, this book is controversial. I finished it a few days ago and have adopted the proposed solution to my pain issues presented within. What else do I have to lose?

I went back to my third rheumatologist this week who prescribed me much stronger pain medication and a much stronger anti-inflammatory. I wasn’t thrilled with that idea and I’ve been taking a regiment of pain medications and an anti-inflammatory for months now which has only resulted in more significant pain.

So here’s a summary of what the book presents as the problem:

1. Feelings generated in infancy and childhood permanently reside in the unconscious and may be responsible for psychological and physical symptoms throughout life.

2. Strong, painful, embarrassing and threatening feelings, like rage, grief and shame, are repressed in the unconscious.

3. Repressed emotions constantly strive to come to consciousness – that is, escape from the unconscious and become overt and consciously manifest.

4. The purpose of symptoms, physical or emotional, is to prevent repressed feelings from becoming conscious by diverting attention from the realm of the emotions to that of the physical. It is strategy of avoidance.

The controversial claim is that some of our physical or mental pain originates in the brain as a result of emotions like rage. That is, they are psychosomatic.

My shoulder problem (bursitis and tendonitis) is presented as a common problem to originate in the brain. Both of these issues have a diagnostic confirmation (and I’ve had numerous ultrasounds to confirm that a physiological problem exists). What Dr. Sarno proposes is that those physiological abnormalities do not cause the pain I am experiencing. Rather, he believes the brain reduces the amount of oxygen flow to my shoulder which gives an experience of pain. He believes the brain does this intentionally as a means to avoid dealing with difficult underlying emotions. In other words, the brain uses pain as a distraction.

This all seems a bit absurd. However, I felt as though I could identify with a number of things presented in the book. I started to track when my most intense shoulder pain would manifest. Without exception, it was always around a stressful event. I didn’t think I experienced much stress here, but there are some moments.

The solution offered by Dr. Sarno is the awareness of what the mind is up to. That sounds trite, but so far the results have been pretty shocking. As I feel the pain, I take a moment to think about what’s going on, what I’m thinking about, what might be prompting the pain, and so far there’s always been something. And just the process of thinking about what’s going on has caused the pain to go away. And the pain has been rapidly diminishing since the first day (a couple days ago). I have total control of both of my arms now and feel less pain than I have in months. And I stopped taking my medication two days ago. So perhaps this theory is legit.

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Tucson Food Traditions

We were able to visit Tucson last Thursday for a couple days. It’s been months since we’ve been able to visit, so it was long past due. The highlight of course is seeing our friends and eating a lot of food. As always, we stayed with Matt and Dana.

We arrived Friday for some homemade pizzas. They were so very good. Even more so with an abundance of wine. Finally Yun found a white she likes and even consumed multiple glasses (gasp!).

friday night pizza yo   pizza with wine equals magical

Friday was spent shopping. It’s always an uncomfortable experience for me to do months of shopping in one day. We get a lot of stuff (as much as the car will hold). We are trying to ween ourselves off of our dependence of things from the US. The challenge is that many things are much cheaper and/or much better quality. Also, there are just some things you can’t get here. Like yellow cheese and russet potatoes.

We have a tradition now with the Mcreynolds of a steak dinner with potatoes on each visit (either here or there). I very much love this tradition. We had some filets and my perfectly prepared potatoes (minus the spicy heat due to incessant complaining). Such a good meal. Such good wine.

raw yummyness    papa madness

traditions are awesome

And as always, we were able to smoke the necessary number of cigars for proper digestion. Matt has the best humidor and I have claimed his top shelf as my own.

digestion help

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poppin’ pills!

candy

One sure sign of old age is my diet of pills. Most of them are for pain, but there are a few vitamins and such mixed in there. Good times!

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Scout’s misery

scout misery

We went to Tucson last weekend. As such, we needed to get the dogs current on their vaccinations (parvo/distemper). Normally this is done in the US, but given the price, we thought it better to do it here in Hermosillo. We paid $20 each versus $100 each in the States. Not too bad.

Needless to say, Scout was absolutely miserable. Any visit to the vet turns him into a nervous wreck. Our only explanation for this is that he was in a kennel when we adopted him where he was scheduled for destruction. I imagine it probably wasn’t too pleasant for him and now he associates any vet with that experience.

The above photo was the best I could do. He doesn’t exactly sit still for a needle.

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Book: The Mindbody Prescription

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Started reading a new book yesterday called, The Mindbody Prescription. It was prompted due to the increasing pain in both of my shoulders. It’s a rather radical approach to addressing the origin of my pain. Some of which seems intuitively true, but much of it seems rooted in Freudian psychoanalytic theories which I reject.

To summarize. Dr. Sarno believes that much of what we experience as pain is the result of TMS. TMS=Tension Myositis Syndrome. That is, much of what we experience as pain is psychosomatic. The pain really exists and is experienced. But its origin is in the brain. Specifically related to unconscious activity, such as stress, tension, anger, etc. that triggers a manifestation of pain. Dr. Sarno believes the triggering of physical (and mental) pain is an adaptive strategy to distract the body manifesting rage. Rage, he believes, is the manifestation of the unconscious activity of stress, tension, and anger in the conscious realm. In other words, rather than explode in rage, the conscious level suppresses that rage in the form of a distraction which we experience as physical pain (TMS).

There is much that sounds ridiculous, but simultaneously, much of which rings true to me. For instance, I know that ulcers and high blood pressure (both which result in physical pain) are (often) the result of psychological issues like stress, tension, and anger. There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the medical community that would dispute those examples. So it doesn’t seem far fetched (to me) to believe other physical ailments have a similar origin.

In my situation, one of my ailments is bursitis. The bursa in my shoulder are enlarged due to an excess of fluid production. The fluid lubricates the joints. The enlarged bursa cause an impingement of my should rotation and as such inflammation is created. The inflammation causes the pain and my inability to use my arms much of the time. I have seen many doctors. Orthopedists (in the US and Mexico), physical therapists (for 6 months of treatment), three rheumatologists (in the US and Mexico), a traumatologist, and plenty of lab work. None of that has resulted in a theory as to WHY I have an excess fluid in my bursa. Every attempt by these physicians has been to treat the result of the problem. My endless frustration with them has always been in their inability to answer that question. Since my problem doesn’t seem trauma related (it seems), then it’s most left to mystery.

The book could be total rubbish. I am not sufficiently qualified to know either way at this point. Dr. Sarno’s basis for his theory seems rooted in anecdotal evidence. That in itself is not a problem for me. But it does lead me to be cautious. Nonetheless, my shoulders have been in so much pain this last month that I am happy to read anything someone recommends that might help.

 

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sushi fail and sushi success

Yun and I went out for sushi a week ago. It was ok, but the bill was around $50 which is absurd for a third-world country. Not sure what that’s about, but nonetheless, we thought we’d take things into our own hands.

We bought some seaweed wraps and some seafood from the grocery store. I did the first attempt.  Not so pretty.

20140512_193845

I made a number of mistakes. I used the wrong sort of rice and I used too much seaweed for each roll (I should have cut them in half). They tasted pretty bad. Fail.

Yun then made an attempt the next day. She used the right sort of rice and the right sort of wrap. And as such, a much pretty roll. We made vegetable rolls, crab rolls, and shrimp rolls. All in all, pretty good. She also used a better knife to cut the rolls as the one that I used. Success.

20140513_182452

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Spanish Studies: May 13, 2014

I have switched to doing an hour and a half this week for my Spanish studies. So far this seems like a good choice. I may increase to two hours in the near future.

This week I am working on simple past tense and imperfect past tense (preterito and imperfecto). As of today, I feel like I am starting to get it and to be able to properly distinguish between the two in application. My challenge is in being able to switch back and forth between the two. I can memorize the rules for each, but I cannot switch back and forth easily because it seems the rules might be stored in different places in my head.

In addition to working on past tense, I’ve been reading short stories to practice my pronunciation and then working my way through the stories to make lists of new vocabulary.

I found a nice site online to make flashcards for my vocabulary. Not only does it make flashcards, it incorporates my vocabulary into word games and other things. This is a helpful way to supplement how I’ve been trying to absorb new words.

Today my maestra brought some short audio files to practice listening comprehension. I was able to do pretty with a couple, but struggled horribly with the third. I need a lot of work in this area.

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John 11 Study: May 12, 2014

9am

I am half way through Sproul’s commentary on the book of John. So far I’ve enjoyed it quite a lot and have found it helpful to this study.

“The disciples said to him, ‘Rabbi, the Jews were just now seeking to stone you, and are you going there again?'” 11.8

One has to wonder what the point of comments like this is. Surely they didn’t think Jesus suffered from dementia. He obviously knew what happened in Jerusalem and that the authorities there wanted to arrest and kill him. So why do they say things like this?

My guess is that not only do they have no idea what Jesus is up to, but also that they don’t want to suffer consequence by association should Jesus return to Jerusalem. They’re looking out for themselves. They say “…and are YOU going there again?”. Not, “…and are WE going there again?”. Clearly they want no part of this return visit at this point.

It’s easy to be critical of them. Didn’t they see all of the miraculous things Jesus had accomplished? Hadn’t they read the OT prophecies regarding the Messiah? What could they possibly be afraid of at this point?

I can think of a few things:

1. Fear of death.
2. Fear of physical and emotional pain.
3. Fear of being misunderstood.
4. Fear of making a mistake.
5. Fear of humiliation.
6. Fear of a loss of control.
7. Fear of a loss of loved ones.
8. Fear of the unknown.

These are some of the things with which I struggle. So I’m sure I can relate to their concerns at this point.

All of those fears seem to relate to a common source. A lack of faith. If God exists, is in control, and desires the best for me, then I have no reason to fear those things. The fear would seem to suggest that I don’t believe God exists, or that he is in control, or that he desires the best for me. I don’t struggle with the first two so much as I do the last.

I think the struggle with believing God desires the best for me stems from the belief that I must perform well in order to persuade God that I am in fact worth it. I know in principle that my worth comes from being created in the image of God and being redeemed by the blood of Christ. That’s easy enough to memorize and repeat. But it’s an entirely different thing to live as though you believe that. I wonder if the disciples here in chapter 11 shared a similar struggle.

“Jesus answered, ‘Are there not twelve hours in the day? If anyone walks in the day, he does not stumble, because he sees the light of this world. But if anyone walks in the night, he stumbles, because the light is not in him.” 11.9,10

At the wedding of Cana, Jesus told his mom, “Why do you involve me? My hour has not come.” At the Feast of Tabernacles in John 7, the authorities tried to seize him, but were unable to do so because it wasn’t his hour. While teaching outside the temple courts in John 8, not one was able to seize him because it wasn’t his hour.

And probably the most helpful verse to shed light on what Jesus is talking about here in verse 9 and 10 comes from John chapter 9, verse 4:

“We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work.”

I understand little about Jewish time keeping. But I know it was markedly different than Roman time keeping (which we still keep today). The day was from sunrise to sunset (to distinguish it from the night) and was divided equally into 12 parts.

Screen Shot 2014-05-12 at 9.46.38 AM

The 12th hour that Jesus refers to as his hour is the hour of his crucifixion (see John 12.27 and John 17.1). The day is the period in which Jesus was alive and ministering. The day would end when he was murdered.

Jesus seems to be saying that while he is in the day, moving toward the final hour, nothing can hinder his movement. The disciples are worried about what will happen if they return to Judea. Jesus is putting their mind at rest by telling them. Nothing will happen to them during the day. That is, with Jesus, they are safe. Much for the same reason in chapters 7,8, and 9. The Pharisees were not able to arrest Jesus because it was not his hour.

10am

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